Deja Vu

Caveat: I wrote this when I was dating. I am engaged now but sometimes, I find myself still in Deja Vu – there are things that he does or says, and I think: I have been here before.

I never thought I would reach that point in my life when I would meet the same single man again. I met a guy, it did not work out, and life goes on. Then, a couple of years later, he reappears in my life. It is especially applicable if you are using on-line dating as a way to meet the man of your dreams. You truly have no idea how sad life can be until you start a dialogue or chat with a guy who rejected you or did not respond years ago. What was interesting about this one particular Deja Vu I had was that this guy did not even remember who I was until I refreshed his memory. I am good at that – refreshing the memory of a terrible witness. After all, being a litigator is an eye opening experience to how many people truly can’t remember a damn thing . It was interesting because he wrote me an e-mail and I thought, “how do I know this name? I have seen it somewhere before.” Turns out, after some thinking and checking past saved e-mails, I realized that a friend of mine from St. Louis had tried to set me up with this same guy a couple of years ago. Back then, I wrote this guy and he never wrote, called or even gave me the time of day. Well, the tide had truly turned as he was initiating contact this time.

So I wrote him and reminded him of this fact – afterall, this guy is a putz and what do I have to lose, right? After several e-mail exchanges, he finally did remember, and therein starts the Deja Vu again. No contact again – no calls, no e-mails, and the fading act, Part 2. If this is Déjà vu for you ladies, trust me, it is frightening. Some women live in cities where they get set up on dates with men they previously dated or slept with, and realize – wait, I know this guy. In a modern world where more and more people are turning to the internet for dating and eventual marriage, isn’t it possible to be a something other than a traditional “slut”? Can one be considered an internet slut? And if you are a man, an internet stud? No real sex, no threat of AIDS, no threat of meeting the other person? Repeating the cycle over and over again until you truly have either exhausted the possibility of meeting Mr. Right, or you end up meeting the same loser again and again?

I never thought I would be recycling through the internet or otherwise, but here I am. What was strange was that this was the third time that this happened to me through on-line dating. Sound familiar? Don’t get me wrong, on-line dating is not a bad way to date or meet others in your city. I met my current fiance this way but since this deja vu happened more than once to me, I started questioning the on-line dating process back then, wondering whether it really held trule love for me, or was it a temporary way to feel better about yourself and feel that there is hope out there.

If you encounter Déjà vu such as mine, on the internet or in life, do not stress. Sometimes the third time is a charm. He may be the one and the timing is now right for it, or… maybe not. Your call, but don’t let Deja Vu get you down. Recall what it was you liked or did not like about this one, why it did not work before, and use those as lessons to build something nice or … get rid of him ASAP!

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