Monthly Archives: December 2004

Repetitive Mistakes

I recently saw a movie which really got me thinking. Thinking? What!? Yes, a movie I saw recently really got me thinking. I saw “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.” What a neat idea. When you are fed up with a relationship or really burdened with something, just have that chapter of your life erased from your memory, leaving you free to live the rest of your life. Wouldn’t it be neat – I mean think about it. I am at this crossroads now in my life. How easy it would be to just erase my relationship or my career and then that would enable me to pick one or the other because I would not know about the other. Confused?

What’s ironic about erasing your mistakes, your scary and not so good moments, is that you forgot you went through that. You no longer have memory of making the mistake, or going through the pain and therefore, you are more liable to make those same mistakes over and over. The more you erase, the more you are liable to repeat in love, career, and life in general. While the general concept of removing feelings toward a person we had sounds quite exciting for some of us gals who have had difficult break-ups into our 30s, I think to myself what my life would be like today if I did not have the memory of the loser guy I dated last year who bordered on abusive behavior. What if I had erased the memory of how it felt when I was stood up for a date, or what if I did not have the memory of responding appropriately to a potentially unethical situation? I think how much different my life would be because I would still be out there meeting the same types of guys, making the same mistakes, and of course, never learning from them or becoming a better person.

This movie, although aggravating to watch at times, really got me thinking about how important it is to know yourself, and part of getting to know yourself is of course, through life experiences. When we erase bad memories or hurtful memories, we are depriving ourselves of the opportunity to grow and learn and become the higher level beings that evolution teaches us we should be. So, next time you are wondering how you can get that guy out of your head, or the pain out of your heart, embrace the image, take on the pain and let it go through your body. Release it by using what you have learned in future relationships or future career decisions. Eternal Sunshine of a spotless mind? I think not!

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All that glitters…

For the last year, I have been learning the value of not having envy. I used to defy the phrase from “Desiderata”, Do not compare yourself to others for you will become vain and bitter. I used to constantly compare myself to others and wonder why I could not have what they had. I no longer do this. Why? Simple – they do not have it all. In fact, it is quite possible that once you peel the layers of what you are envious of, you may not want it at all. What lays beneath is not necessarily gold or even platinum for that matter.

The lesson learned here is that sometimes what we believe is gold, is simply an object which glitters and looks shiny on the outside but may not be so nice and perfect on the inside. It is an important lesson for my life as well. When people see pictures of couples, or see the engagements/nuptials section of the newspaper, they think, “wow, that couple looks great together,” or “they’re the perfect couple,” or “they look so good together – I wish I had that.” How can we let a photograph, Kodak or Fuji define what lays on the inside? How can we assume they are indeed the perfect couple?

The truth is, very few couples are “perfect”. They have their share of issues, concerns, and secrets. In order to be happy in life, you have to believe that what you have glitters. You have the ability to control the carats, cut, and the clarity in your diamond gold ring. You determine if it glitters on the inside as well as the outside. It is easy to believe what everyone else has is gold. Nothing can be farther from the truth.

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