I took a personal day yesterday because frankly, I just felt like I needed to spend more time with my daughter and wanted to get things done around the house. Well, I could not get anything done around the house or work on things but I did spend a lot time with my girl- it was fun. But I got to thinking how in the world women experience this day in and day out and do not go insane. While I love my daughter, I also have a need to exercise my intellect and need social interaction with an adult. While my daughter can provide hours of scintillating fun it is not the same. I had a great new respect for women who stay at home but as I return to work today and the drudgery and mundane-ness of it all, I realize that I miss her a lot. It is quite a tug of war for working moms – stay at home? Go to work? What should we do?
I have a new fear that has set in for the last month- am I missing out on my daughter’s life? Will I look back at this time and have serious regrets on missing out on her life? When she no longer needs us and is off on her own, travelling across the country and world? Will I look back and have regrets? Conversely, if I quit my job and cannot find a job in another few years, will I have some other regrets? What if I quit a good job with good pay and then, realize I did not want to be at home? All these questions weigh on my mind daily. I am sure they weigh down other working moms too. They are legitimate concerns. I feel like the best of both worlds would be to ask to go part-time. I do not know if my employer will permit this. Also, currently, I am not a permanent employee so asking could put my status in jeopardy so, I am starting to slowly resent my employer as well. I feel like time is so precious and it is flying – my daughter just turned 10 months old.
I find this tug of war between home and family and work is quite normal among most working women but I also wonder if dads feel it too or are societal norms such that they do not feel those same pressures that women feel? I hope in this tug of war, whatever happens, my daughter wins!