After having another baby recently I started thinking. Trust me, I have a lot of time to think because it seems like I am always up – either with one daughter or the other. It is quite the task. Anyway, so as I was saying, I started to think about how helpless human babies really are. Unlike other animals, it seems humans are pretty helpless when they are first born and need a lot of care, attention, and help until they are … well, for the average child, until they are past the age of even 7or 8. Even then, humans (unlike other non-comparable animals) still need a lot of training, education, feedings, etc., that other animals do not. But as my husband so aptly pointed out, compared to others in the animal kingdom, humans are more versatile and can do a lot more in life than the other animals. He is correct in this assessment but still I cannot help but wonder if we as humans will evolve someday – past this helpless stage of not being able to do anything for ourselves.

It got me thinking about evolution and whether humans would evolve into something even more versatile than we already are. Unlike a giraffe which can walk within a few hours of birth or baby calf which can stand on its own within minutes, I wonder whether we humans will eventually evolve to the point where babies would be able to defend themselves or at least get neck control sooner, crawl or walk sooner, and what would that mean for the human race.

Okay, so I am up a lot and these are the things I think of but I think that the reason I am thinking of these things is because right now I am exhausted and in my mind, am hoping for a quicker development for my 2nd born because I want to see the light at the end of what appears right now to be a long tunnel. I want my new baby to sleep through the night, and I want her to have neck control and be able to sit up and start defending herself against her older, well-intentioned sister who thinks she is a rag doll. I know in a few years I will wonder where the time has gone but right now, I look at her – helpless, needing food and diapering all the time, and needing constant care, and I wonder… will we ever evolve past this?

Please follow and like us:

Stepping into the shoes of others

So recently I have been sleep deprived, experiencing some major life changes, and of course, the usual post-partum hormones and I started to have some rage towards my innocent daughters. Of course, I know it is not their fault. For example, it is not my 3-week old daughter’s fault she needs fat to sustain early life and so she gets up every 2 hours to my great dismay. My other daughter gets up all the time and is not a self soother because we never trained her for sleeping and now almost 2 years old, she needs assistance and cries a lot when her needs are not met. Add that crying onto the every 2 hour wakings from the infant, and you have a lethal combination of frustration – mix in lack of sleep and sheer exhaustion, add daily annoyances like dealing with bills, errors in billing, health care costs, reduced income due to maternity leave, and house guests, and that makes for a lethal formula.

So during those late night feedings, I try to think of fun things like movies. I could not remember the name of this one movie I loved – they did a Bollywood remake of it called “Mann”. Yes, while “An Affair to Remember” is not how my life is, at least I still have my legs, during late night feedings, I also contemplate how people cope with daily life. Especially since I hear about people committing heinous crimes like going on a killing spree or killing their own children, I start to wonder and start to imagine what their lives are like. I used to be a criminal defense attorney but I represented relatively sane, average people and no one who committed murder. But I started to think to myself, what is going on in their lives that produced a lethal formula for them? Did a chemical or hormonal imbalance add to that already weakened state? Moreover, I think to myself, if even the strongest person could break from the pressure, what’s to say that the already predisposed couldn’t be pushed over the edge even easier? So, I know they are predisposed and then a combination of items can push them over the top. It is interesting because in law school I studied the insanity defense at length and learned it even better representing those accused of crimes but, M’Naughten’s Rule applies narrowly and it seems to require the person to not be able to distinguish right from wrong. So, I wonder what the reasonable person standard is when applied to a person who has completely lost rationale thought – what goes through a mom’s head as she drowns her own three children? Does anything go through her head or is she just nuts?

I mean, I got mad at my 2 year old last night and within seconds, cried, hugged her and said momma was sorry. It was 2am. But, what would it take for a person predisposed to crime and insanity to just snap? I hope I never have to step into the shoes of someone who has committed such heinous crimes to offer a defense because it is tough but I have to say, after 3 weeks of not sleeping well, and going through some changes, experiencing other stressors, and two crying kids at home, I can somehow understand the factors that may contribute to a person snapping. Granted, I have it great compared to the people who may go through this but I still can’t help but wonder what makes people just go … well, nuts.

Please follow and like us:

Torn: A Tale of Two Daughters

I know I am writing this only 3-weeks post partum after having our second daughter but I already feel torn between taking care of the two of them and divided loyalties. It has been a tough few weeks as my husband and I try to find balance in our lives- balance between taking care of a newborn, life in general, our marriage, work, and of course, trying to get enough rest so that we can do all of the above. For me, I have always needed more sleep than the average person so having one kid was hard enough. I have not slept through the night in about 24 months – my sleep was waning away even as I was in the third trimester with my first one. So, for about 2 years now, I have not slept well. There are no signs of this getting better and in fact, if anything, it has gotten worse. At least with the first one, we just let her sleep with us, and we found a balance – we had settled into a routine. Now, all that has changed yet again and change, as we all know, is tough to take on top of 2 hours of uninterrupted sleep per night.

So…. I started thinking today how much I feel torn on most days and nights between my two girls. My infant needs me because I am breastfeeding. She is not even three weeks old yet! So, she needs a lot of care- diapering, feeding, burping. The list never ends. Then, there’s my 22-month old who also needs me. She needs me to put her down for a nap in the afternoon, feed her good nutritious foods, diaper her too, and of course, spend time playing with her- whether it is reading, playing blocks, helping her in her pretend kitchen, or just encouraging her to learn, she needs a lot of attention too. And of course, without fail, my newborn will wake up screaming right when I am doing something with my toddler. So, I write this blog because I feel what most parents feel when their lives change in this manner- TORN! It is tough but I am trying to find the right balance and when possible, have my husband take the other one so that I can tend to the right one at the right time. It is a balancing act for sure but I will continue to try to prioritize depending on need and what has to come first at that time. I am sure this saga of being torn will continue so stay tuned for parts 2, 3, 4 and 5.

Please follow and like us:

Billing Practices of Healthcare providers & Insurance

I recently had yet another experience with a healthcare provider billing me for a trivial item and it turning into a $100 copay with the insurance company. What? I thought. All the doc did was examine me with a scope and I got charged for a surgery from my insurance company. This happened twice because after the first visit, there was no bill. When I called to dispute this because of lack of knowledge, the doc’s office manager insisted that is how they bill. I am writing this blog to make people aware that they need to talk with their insurance provider and the medical doctor before they get anything done. Forget about life and death, this country is all about the insurance companies (HMOs and PPOs) and the pockets of the medical doctors.

Don’t get me wrong- there are medical doctors out there who would not bill like this and would work with a patient. I have had this happen in the past. But, this was not one those doctors. I will not be returning to this doctor or recommending her to others – in fact, I already filled out several surveys cautioning people on the billing practices of this particular office but I would recommend that before you see specialists or have ANYTHING done by any medical provider, you ask the right questions – is this covered by insurance? Is this considered a surgical procedure? If that means you stop the appointment short and leave to call your insurance, I would do it. It is sad that you have to worry about this in addition to the medical problems you are seeking help for, but that is the state of health care in our country and frankly, it stinks.

I hope that one day we can worry about our health and seek prevention instead of having to see doctors after the fact. I hope we can have a good health care system in our country that cares about the patient instead of the bottom line and more importantly, health care providers that truly want to work with you and provide great “customer” care or patient care instead of sticking it to you and talking with you like you are just another number. I remember a time when doctors would make house calls and they were like family. That is no longer the case – HMOs, PPOs and insurance companies have replaced what was once family doctors. It is all about the bottom line now – the copays, the codes, the treatment codes, and the patient is generally not even a factor anymore.

Please follow and like us:

Changing family dynamics

We brought home our new baby girl two weeks ago and it has been quite a LONG two weeks. With a 21-month old at home already, bringing a new baby into the home has changed the family dynamics quite a bit, disrupted everyone’s routines, and thrown our household in a sleepless state of insanity. It seems like we are constantly running around- either chasing after the toddler, or diapering and feeding the newborn. Life has settled a bit in week two but week one seemed like a whirlwind and I could not believe how much life had changed instantly. It is nice to not have to take the newborn out with my mom staying at home with her but it is so important to have a routine for the toddler too. She needs to continue her bath time, story time, outings, and park time. While our toddler may be adjusting better than us, she still gets up in the middle night, adding more turmoil to an already stressed mommy who is up all the time feeding the baby.

We have decided to continue day care for our toddler for two or three days a week until mom adjusts or baby starts to sleep at night a little more but ’til then, the routine continues at our household and we just hope that in a few months time, things can settle down a bit. I do know one thing, it will NEVER be just my husband and me again – we are definitely a family and the sooner we accept that, the sooner everyone can settle down into a routine. The key I have found over the past two weeks is working with my husband as a team especially in the middle of the night when there are two girls crying out for us. Another thing we both know is that our days of sleeping in are definitely gone and in some cases, sleeping at all.

I am sure I will continue to report our trials and tribulations as our adventures continue.

Please follow and like us: