I know I am writing this only 3-weeks post partum after having our second daughter but I already feel torn between taking care of the two of them and divided loyalties. It has been a tough few weeks as my husband and I try to find balance in our lives- balance between taking care of a newborn, life in general, our marriage, work, and of course, trying to get enough rest so that we can do all of the above. For me, I have always needed more sleep than the average person so having one kid was hard enough. I have not slept through the night in about 24 months – my sleep was waning away even as I was in the third trimester with my first one. So, for about 2 years now, I have not slept well. There are no signs of this getting better and in fact, if anything, it has gotten worse. At least with the first one, we just let her sleep with us, and we found a balance – we had settled into a routine. Now, all that has changed yet again and change, as we all know, is tough to take on top of 2 hours of uninterrupted sleep per night.
So…. I started thinking today how much I feel torn on most days and nights between my two girls. My infant needs me because I am breastfeeding. She is not even three weeks old yet! So, she needs a lot of care- diapering, feeding, burping. The list never ends. Then, there’s my 22-month old who also needs me. She needs me to put her down for a nap in the afternoon, feed her good nutritious foods, diaper her too, and of course, spend time playing with her- whether it is reading, playing blocks, helping her in her pretend kitchen, or just encouraging her to learn, she needs a lot of attention too. And of course, without fail, my newborn will wake up screaming right when I am doing something with my toddler. So, I write this blog because I feel what most parents feel when their lives change in this manner- TORN! It is tough but I am trying to find the right balance and when possible, have my husband take the other one so that I can tend to the right one at the right time. It is a balancing act for sure but I will continue to try to prioritize depending on need and what has to come first at that time. I am sure this saga of being torn will continue so stay tuned for parts 2, 3, 4 and 5.