The Worst Massage … Ever!

So I again had a horrible massage at Massage Envy and as I was in the middle of the most painful massage I have ever received, I was reminded of the episode of Friends when Chandler received a horrible massage from Monica who he was engaged to be married to. Chandler described the massage as “aliens poking at his body.” That is what I felt except unlike Chandler, I was paying for this one. She looked relatively harmless when she first greeted me in the waiting area. In fact, she was cute and petite and so who would have imagined so much pain coming from such an otherwise normal-looking person. I also kept telling her she was pushing too hard and hurting me but did the 1-year experienced girl get the message? Oh no! I kept telling her it was painful when she was massaging me but the torture went on.

Massage Envy is a crap shoot unless you get lucky and find someone you really like and chances are, they will leave massage envy and open their own place because Massage Envy is like the Wal-Mart of the massage world – you end up getting what you pay for. I have to warn you folks out there- do not sign up for monthly massages at Massage Envy. Here is what I recommend instead- find someone you like who is really good at what they do- massage therapy. Then, stick with them. If they are local to where you live- BONUS! If they are not, like the couple I found, then, like me, you will just need to suck it up and see them when you can. The best massage therapist I found is in Colorado Springs. He and his wife and certified professionals and do an outstanding job – they not only provide massage, they provide therapy and it is amazing! Ironically, I met my massage therapist through a Massage Envy in Colorado Springs. He was moonlighting there on two weeknights so he could open his own place. I have had great luck at Massage Envy, Colorado Springs, but unfortunately, the franchises in the greater Denver Metro area are a crapshoot. Good luck and be a good consumer in search of that perfect masseuse or massage therapist and I hope you can avoid having my experience of the worst massage… ever!

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