Despite my previous posts on keeping in touch with an ex, technology made it near impossible for me to avoid finally facing the music especially with one particular ex-boyfriend and we met for coffee. It’s fine- my husband knew about it and was okay with it but I wonder whether I did the right thing – after all, it is always more fun to wonder and fantasize about what may have happened to someone rather than facing reality.
With this particular ex-bf, it was a toughie. We met while I was still in high school and we were both young and of course, I was not ready for anything too serious freshman year in college so I was the one who called it off. He was upset back then but it was a choice I made- I wanted to see other people, finish undergrad, and possibly go on to post-graduate school. The last thing on my mind was marriage – after all, I had just gotten my freedom, was attending college, living on my own, and saw an entire world out there for me. Of course, I was also planning to join the military and was going to travel a bit too. It also did not help that his dad was against our union and his family in general, was weird. In any case, it was a decision- a choice I made back then. Like any choice though you wonder if you made the right one. Now, as we both have families of our own, it is easy to look back and say “it was all for the best and was the right choice.” But, for many years, I always wondered what happened to him and his family and if he ever got over what happened. I did not even expect a response back from him when I discovered him on linked in. However, after meeting him and catching up, it was great to finally put the missing pieces of the puzzle together and looking at the puzzle from up here, it all looked right, but did it?
As I contemplate my previous blogs on the topic and question whether it is a good idea to keep in touch with an ex, I still think it is not good to be fast friends or keep in touch regularly with an ex, but I think it is a good idea to reconnect even if it is 17 years later (which it was in my case), because it can help put the past to rest and the fantasy behind you- it helps you understand why things happened and perhaps help gain some closure. For me, this was exactly the case because I felt horrible about how things were left between us. In any case, game over! Now, 17 years later, with the life I have had and the life I know I want, the choices we make at the time, while we cannot make sense of them at the time, are clearly the right choices that help shape our futures. More importantly, the choices we make shape who we are and who we become.