Random Thoughts of a Frequent Travelin’ Mama

Before Flight

1.  Who are these people?  What is his/her story?  I wonder why they are going to Denver. Hey, Sir, can you please stop talking loudly on your cell phone? I really do not want to know about the property you sold and for how much.

2.  Okay, here we go and we are lining up for our flight now and people have no clue what the number system is and people are just wandering.  Now we are all on top of one another.

3.  I always sneak on an additional small item with my carry on suitcase and my giant overflowing backpack.  I hide it under my coat.  Will she see it?  I turn to the left a little with my shoulder bag on and make it through.  Whew!  I did it!

4.  I pick a seat and get settled in.  I hope no one sits next to me, but if it is a full flight, I am sure someone will.   If  I do not make eye contact, people generally do not sit next to me or near me.  It’s nice.

5.  Okay, here we go.  Whoops… forgot to put my phones in airplane mode.  I better do that.  Ah it doesn’t matter anyway.

30,000+ feet in the air or just on the plane:

1. Really? Do you need to recline all the way back into my lap only to bend over and work on your laptop? The plane is completely full.

2.  Why does this guy keep hitting my seat from the back?  What is in that damn seat pocket that keeps hitting the middle of my back?

3. Will these people ever need to get up and go to the restroom?  The passenger in the aisle drank two wines and a bottle of seltzer water.  She is never going to get up….ahhh! The guy next to me never got up the entire 3 hours and 46 minutes.  Is he a camel?  How do these people not need to pee for so long?  Note:  I love window seats.  Love looking out and leaning away from the middle seat occupiers.  Anyway, that means I have to make people get up everytime I need to use the restroom which is often on a 3 hour and 46 minute flight.  

4.  Seriously, dude, behind me.  Please stop hurting my back with whatever you have shoved into the seat pocket.

5.  God, this flight attendant is so disinterested in her job.  Why is she even here?  The other one is making up for her shortcomings though.  I have to say I love Southwest Airlines though – got some food, used my drink coupon, and I am all set for this long haul home.

6.  Woh!  We are going through a nasty weather patch – it will be fine.  Woh! Big bump.  It’s all good.  I think it’s called Winter Storm Pandora?  Why are they naming winter storms now?  What is that all about anyway?  Seriously, when will the turbulence stop?  My Fat Tire just splashed on me. Grrrrr…..

7.  Okay, I am going to close my eyes and try to sleep.  Yeah I can’t get comfortable.  5 minutes later: It’s not gonna happen.  How can only 5 minutes have gone by?  It felt like 35 at least.  Seriously.

8.  I watched an entire episode of MYTHBUSTERS.  The Star Wars episode was particularly cool.  I love Southwest and free Direct TV.  Wait, how can we still have 2 hours left on this flight.  I mean, seriously?  That episode was an hour long.  Why is America such a large land mass anyway?  Who decided to make it one big country?  At least if I was traveling 3 hours and 46 minutes to a different country, I’d probably feel better.  Like when I lived in Europe, it was so super cool to fly 2 hours and be in a different country and all.  Okay, I am going to try to sleep again.

9.  I really can’t sleep with that guy kicking my seat, and this lady has her light on to knit.  I will turn left to get out of the light.  Not working – how can only 2 minutes have gone by.  I mean the whining alone in my head has taken longer than that, right?  No.  Ugh!  Time moves so slow when one is flying.

10.  Oh thank God, final approach.  We are at 10,000 feet.  This is when I turn my airplane mode off and start checking my email again.  My $99 phone will not crash this million dollar plane.  Right?  Ah well.  Okay here goes.  Hope no one reports me to the flight attendants. They can’t get up anyway.  We are on our honor since we are landing into bumpy Denver. Final approach is my favorite part of flying.  I love it, bumps and all.

After landing/at airport:

1.  Will you please stand up and get into the aisle.  I really want to get off this plane- like now!  We are in row 3.  If you couldn’t get ready quickly, you should have not sat in the front of the plane.  Whew.!

2. Made it off the plane.  Since I have all my stuff with me, it is time to head to the terminal on the train.  Ah that damn train at DIA, Concourse C.

3.  I managed to get on the train and take a seat, but then people piled in, and now I am trapped.  This one girl keeps looking at her phone, even while getting on the escalator. Hey lady, look the F up – oh no, she just tripped and almost took out that kid.  What the heck?  Just look up while you are walking onto the escalator for God’s sake.

4.  Whew – got past the chaos and went straight to the shuttle that will take me to my car. Why is it not here yet? Ooh I see it.  I got lucky – it’s here and I can take it to my car.  The Parking Spot is so awesome.  I travel so much, I got some Premier status from them.  So frigging awesome.

5. I am home sweet home 1 hour and 5 minutes after I landed.  How cool!

All these thoughts, and no rest when I fly.  I am exhausted.  Time to sleep in my own bed… ahh, til I do this all over again.

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