Am I cheating?

Am I cheating? I sure feel like I am.  We just had our 10-year anniversary and ever since that day, I am thinking about and looking at others.  I am with another, and yet, daily I am thinking about them, the other ones, analyzing them, studying them.  Each day, I am trying to figure out when I will have time to go test them out to see if I enjoy the ride, to see how they feel as I clench my hands, and let it rev. That may help make my decision easier, but each day, I feel super guilty.  It feels like I am cheating emotionally and mentally on my 10-year, dependable love.  But each day, I see the others and I can’t look away, I admit, I am totally checking them out!  The decision is not made yet and I hesitate, I feel like all is fine, and I don’t really need to make the leap yet.  But I know soon I will need to decide which one I will choose to spend my next 10 years with.  That will also be the day I will need to say good bye to her- my faithful Subaru.

When hubby and I got married over 10 years ago, she was there, and we took many road trips with her.  She saw me through the Colorado Bar exam and I commuted back and forth to and from Colorado Springs and all those AF assignments.  So many life and career changes, and she was there each step of the way.  We safely brought home both babies in this car for their first ride and she protected them each time we rode thereafter.  Sounds cliche like the commercial but both girls grew from infants to toddlers, to the girls they are today in my Su.  I know she is just a material object, and I am not one to dwell on material objects, and after all, she’s just a car.  But there are so many special memories with my Subaru that I have never had as hard of a time car shopping as I do today.

Dedicated to you, Su.

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