A Decade Ago Today

Here’TheJourneyAheads to the Internet, here’s to a match making website a friend recommended to increase my chances of meeting “the one” while I got stationed all over the world. Here’s to countless disappointing dates, numerous guys who wrote me and let me down, a few relationships and those I thought “got away” before he wrote me.  Here is to an E-mail correspondence sent on April 6, 2003, from a guy 92 miles away.  I knew nothing about him, not even his name.  Here is to finding that E-mail three days later and recovering it from the trash can (thank you Hotmail(c) for not deleting it permanently).  I had deleted it there because I had recently ended a bad relationship and was done with relationships forever (spoken as a dramatic reading).  Here is to the end of that relationship and here is to my inner voice saying, “what the heck? I’ll write him back at least.”  Here is to writing, “Hey, I’d love to meet you – feel free to call me..” and here’s to not playing games and giving him my number.  Here is to him calling right away and not playing games either.  Here is to setting up a date right away.  Here is to taking that chance, and meeting in-person despite the butterflies deep down inside.  Here is to having no expectations, no regrets, and putting no pressure on the relationship at all.  And despite my asking him on the first date whether he was a Republican or a Democrat (don’t ask what party I was then-such a long time ago), here’s to him asking me out for a second date.  Here is to dating, the big proposal, and everything since… the good, the tough, the very tough, the great, the sweet, the sour, the blessings, and the miracles in the life we have made.  Here is to a decade gone, and the hope of so many, many more to come.

Here is to the journey, the destination, and everything along the way.  Here is to having no regrets but learning, growing, crying, laughing, singing, and dancing together and with our children- daily.

Here is to a decade ago today.

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All that glitters…

For the last year, I have been learning the value of not having envy. I used to defy the phrase from “Desiderata”, Do not compare yourself to others for you will become vain and bitter. I used to constantly compare myself to others and wonder why I could not have what they had. I no longer do this. Why? Simple – they do not have it all. In fact, it is quite possible that once you peel the layers of what you are envious of, you may not want it at all. What lays beneath is not necessarily gold or even platinum for that matter.

The lesson learned here is that sometimes what we believe is gold, is simply an object which glitters and looks shiny on the outside but may not be so nice and perfect on the inside. It is an important lesson for my life as well. When people see pictures of couples, or see the engagements/nuptials section of the newspaper, they think, “wow, that couple looks great together,” or “they’re the perfect couple,” or “they look so good together – I wish I had that.” How can we let a photograph, Kodak or Fuji define what lays on the inside? How can we assume they are indeed the perfect couple?

The truth is, very few couples are “perfect”. They have their share of issues, concerns, and secrets. In order to be happy in life, you have to believe that what you have glitters. You have the ability to control the carats, cut, and the clarity in your diamond gold ring. You determine if it glitters on the inside as well as the outside. It is easy to believe what everyone else has is gold. Nothing can be farther from the truth.

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Deja Vu

Caveat: I wrote this when I was dating. I am engaged now but sometimes, I find myself still in Deja Vu – there are things that he does or says, and I think: I have been here before.

I never thought I would reach that point in my life when I would meet the same single man again. I met a guy, it did not work out, and life goes on. Then, a couple of years later, he reappears in my life. It is especially applicable if you are using on-line dating as a way to meet the man of your dreams. You truly have no idea how sad life can be until you start a dialogue or chat with a guy who rejected you or did not respond years ago. What was interesting about this one particular Deja Vu I had was that this guy did not even remember who I was until I refreshed his memory. I am good at that – refreshing the memory of a terrible witness. After all, being a litigator is an eye opening experience to how many people truly can’t remember a damn thing . It was interesting because he wrote me an e-mail and I thought, “how do I know this name? I have seen it somewhere before.” Turns out, after some thinking and checking past saved e-mails, I realized that a friend of mine from St. Louis had tried to set me up with this same guy a couple of years ago. Back then, I wrote this guy and he never wrote, called or even gave me the time of day. Well, the tide had truly turned as he was initiating contact this time.

So I wrote him and reminded him of this fact – afterall, this guy is a putz and what do I have to lose, right? After several e-mail exchanges, he finally did remember, and therein starts the Deja Vu again. No contact again – no calls, no e-mails, and the fading act, Part 2. If this is Déjà vu for you ladies, trust me, it is frightening. Some women live in cities where they get set up on dates with men they previously dated or slept with, and realize – wait, I know this guy. In a modern world where more and more people are turning to the internet for dating and eventual marriage, isn’t it possible to be a something other than a traditional “slut”? Can one be considered an internet slut? And if you are a man, an internet stud? No real sex, no threat of AIDS, no threat of meeting the other person? Repeating the cycle over and over again until you truly have either exhausted the possibility of meeting Mr. Right, or you end up meeting the same loser again and again?

I never thought I would be recycling through the internet or otherwise, but here I am. What was strange was that this was the third time that this happened to me through on-line dating. Sound familiar? Don’t get me wrong, on-line dating is not a bad way to date or meet others in your city. I met my current fiance this way but since this deja vu happened more than once to me, I started questioning the on-line dating process back then, wondering whether it really held trule love for me, or was it a temporary way to feel better about yourself and feel that there is hope out there.

If you encounter Déjà vu such as mine, on the internet or in life, do not stress. Sometimes the third time is a charm. He may be the one and the timing is now right for it, or… maybe not. Your call, but don’t let Deja Vu get you down. Recall what it was you liked or did not like about this one, why it did not work before, and use those as lessons to build something nice or … get rid of him ASAP!

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