Yesterday I had the opportunity to see my baby’s face at a 30-week ultrasound. I was amazed at how clear things looked even though they were anything but clear. It was still nice to see that the little guy or gal is doing well – alert, kicking, moving, and a strong heart rate. I think it finally hit me that another life is on its way into our world and it is starting to freak me out. No matter how prepared you are for childbirth and the arrival of a new baby into your home, the first few weeks always find the parents dazed and confused. Change is hard on most everyone even those who are looking forward to it. I am sure we will be no different because for me, while the concept is great, I am starting to stress out a bit. What if I can’t do it? What if I can’t care for two? What if this kid is as active as our first? Then what? Will I have a nervous breakdown? Will my employer be supportive of my needs and issues? As you know, in this economy, people worry more about everything.
I am starting to dream more and more about the coming of this new life into our lives but mainly, I think it is because I realize things are about to change. I think that is the big thing in my life right now – CHANGE. It started with the election of my new commander in chief, and does not stop there. In January, I get two new bosses – two! I get a new boss at my full-time job and also with the Reserves. I am about to enter unchartered territory and while I know change is part of life and my career, I would remiss if I wasn’t a little nervous. For example, will the new boss support my need to take 16 weeks off or will I be let go? What if I can no longer work full-time or need accommodations? What will happen to me? What about the Reserves? Is the guy going to be family friendly or will it be mission first and the family suffers? Anyway, all these thoughts are going through my head and I wish I had a crystal ball to see into the future so I can put my mind at ease one way or the other- ‘tis better to know than to delve into the unknown. Perhaps the biggest change coming in 2009 that will affect my immediate daily life is the birth of our new son or daughter. It is going to be strange I think and I am not sure I am ready for the challenges that come with raising two. I still have not gotten used to the challenges that come with raising one. Heck, everyday is something new and as our daughter learns, so do we. I am lucky to have supportive friends and family and a husband who truly is a great dad and partner in my life. But I think the first six months we will both be delving into unchartered waters as we try to find balance with life, the children, and work. While I look forward to the adventure and challenge, I know there will be times when it will be very tough.
As I look at the pictures of yesterday’s ultrasound, and realize that only 10 weeks remain between us and this new life force, I feel it’ll be alright – people have done this for centuries and succeeded. Our parents raised us and everything seems to have worked out okay. I think in the end, change is what keeps us on our toes and keeps us from being complacent and change keeps our society progressing – so, in February, we will take the big change that enters our lives and do what we can with it to succeed – to be the best we can be as parents, as partners, and as humans. Change is more than a concept- more than a slogan and how we choose to view change and how we choose to react to it is what will determine our success , our adaptability, and our ability to grow.